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Believing Lies About Who We Are Makes Us Counterfeits

We all have a lie we were born to unbelieve. It’s a lie that tells us who we are is not ok – Or that we don’t know enough, or we’re not enough, or we’re too much. It’s the lie that says nobody gets us or we will never be satisfied. It’s the lie that says we never get what we want, this is as good as it gets, or we’re not the one to fix what’s broken.

My lie is “my presence doesn’t matter.” My daughter’s lie is, “I am defective.” My husband’s lie is “no one cares what I think.”

If you want to find the lie you were born to unbelieve, start where you are stuck. Begin by looking in the places where you’ve given up hope or in the relationships and situations you think you just don’t give a shit about anymore. Look at the things that shut you down or wind you up. Ask yourself what makes me defensive, afraid, angry, or ambivalent? Those might be places where you are talking yourself out of being who you are, the places where the lie is in control. Observe yourself in those places, ask some questions. Was there a time in my life when I felt differently? When was it? What was happening? How did I feel? What did I want? What did I believe? What changed? Did someone or something influence me? Who? What? How? Did my thoughts about myself or other people change?

If you dig around long enough, you will find the lie.

My son, Jack modeling a proper dreaming posture

I quit dreaming because I believed a lie.

 

I made my world safe by staying small. Competition made me nervous. Being average made me annoyed. So, I didn’t compete, and I only did the things that came easily to me. If something was difficult, I assumed I just wasn’t good at it, and I quit. The things that came naturally to me were soft skills- listening, mediating, being a friend. They were also the things that kept me safe. I wasn’t asking for anything.

When I was little, the more invisible I made myself, the safer my world was.

 A strategy that served me well as a kid tried to erase me as an adult.

I was afraid that if I showed up fully, people wouldn’t want what I had. I thought it would be 4th grade all over again, and I’m the weird girl no one wants on their team.

I thought that If I admit, especially to myself, that I have hopes and dreams, that I want something so much I’m willing to show up and reach out my hand to get it, I will get smacked down. Some days the thought terrified me, and other days, it just made me numb.

So, by now it should be clear, I do not enjoy putting myself out there.

 I don’t like being the center of attention. But I do like  showing up in the places where there is something that is mine to do. I want to make a positive impact. I want to love people and talk about hard things. I want to have conversations about healing and hope with people who may not believe it yet but who are trying to work it out.  If I don’t actively choose presence, I’m afraid I will fade away.

I don’t “need” my presence to matter. It’s not a martyr thing. I genuinely believe that other people can do anything I can and probably better most of the time. But that doesn’t mean my presence DOESN’T matter. It does, and I’m lying when I believe otherwise, and so are you.

Believing the lie, we were born to unbelieve will prevent us from being who we wholly are. These lies want us to be a hologram, an image of who we are but not the reality. Lies make vapor of solid things.

It will probably feel uncomfortable. It might even feel scary or wrong. People may not respond the way we want them to. At times, we may wonder what the hell we are doing.

But if we bring our whole selves to the table and we trust that there is something that is ours to do, opportunities will find us, and we can take our hands off the wheel and trust the process. When we choose presence, we also choose willingness, willingness to be vulnerable, willingness to be brave. We toggle out of protection mode, and we engage with people in more powerful ways.

You may not always look great doing it, but that's oooookayyyyyyy
Your Presence Matters

Your lies aren’t who you are—your presence matters. You are not defective. Your imperfection may be the thing that helps heal the broken place in someone else. Say what you want to say. Someone needs to hear it.  You can make things better. You can dream some new dreams. Show up. Do it!  – even if you don’t believe… yet

 

Roxie Martin

Roxie Martin

I like to write. I love to connect. I am a wife, mom, and ADHD Coach. I work with private clients and facilitate ADHD reWired Coaching and Accountability groups. I am the co-host of an upcoming Podcast called, "Wait, what was the question?” with William Curb of Hacking Your ADHD. In my spare time, I like to reinvent perfectly fine systems, create great meals, read several books in tandem, and shower-sing with the burning passion of a thousand suns.

Roxie Martin

Roxie Martin

I like to write. I love to connect. I am a wife, mom, and ADHD Coach. I work with private clients and facilitate ADHD reWired Coaching and Accountability groups. I am the co-host of an upcoming Podcast called, "Wait, what was the question?” with William Curb of Hacking Your ADHD. In my spare time, I like to reinvent perfectly fine systems, create great meals, read several books in tandem, and shower-sing with the burning passion of a thousand suns.

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